Leave Memories and Condolences

Happy Birthday bud! I sincerely miss your sense of humour; wish you were still around to thrash everyone online.

Happy birthday, brother! It was the last message I sent you before you died. You didn't respond. I didn't realize it was a big one. I wish I did. I was joking with Mom tonight. "Don't keep blaming yourself, just blame yourself once and move on." Funny, I know. Of course, I wish I did more, but it doesn't matter now. Speaking of funny, I know you could be a funny kid. I found an old phone of mine and I was reading through old messages. Mostly, they were, I'll pick you up at this time kind of messages. In one you made a joke about being bad and I said, nah, you're innocent. You sent me a screen shot of "boobies" written in a Google search and asked if I still thought so. You had a good sense of humour. I wish I knew more about you. More I could tell everyone about you, but it seems like they knew. They saw through your hard exterior. You showed them glimpses of the big heart you had. I loved hearing that at your celebration of life. You are loved. I miss you and am thinking of you all the time. I love you very much.

I have written and deleted many paragraphs here. It's difficult to know what to say in this situation. We really do appreciate everyones stories, thoughts, and feelings. It is nice to get a glimpse into Kyle's life. Thank you for your honesty, Willow. Your "rambling" is your truth about your relationship. Like most, it was complicated. I have so few memories of my childhood and even fewer that are vivid. Being almost 9 years older than Kyle, we didn't have that much in common. I did have a World of Warcraft phase, but I think mine was done before his began. Our family was our link and often he tried not to be a part of it. When we were growing up, we were left to fend for ourselves as our parents worked. For those who don't know, Kyle has two older brothers, and two older sisters. There is a 14 year gap, I believe, between him and our oldest brother. The older kids were left to take care of the younger. I remember not wanting to deal with it and whenever Kyle would be upset, I would often give him what he wanted if it were possible. He was the baby, he was babied. My memories of the younger days are very sparse, but I have a couple to share. I remember playing a game called Pay Day. You went around the calendar and sometimes you'd land on a spot where you had to pick up mail. Sometimes the mail was good and sometimes it was bills. Well, I had taken out the largest bills available and put them on top as a prank. Kyle rolled and had to pick up two pieces of mail. I was ready with the camera when he picked them up and was in shock at the dollar amount he owed. I found the picture and it jogged my memory of this fun moment. I also remember making jello and whipped cream and we had a jello eating contest with our hands behind our backs. One time we had gone to get slurpees and for some reason I had his. I held it out to give it back to him and I let go just before he was about to grab it and it dropped and spilled. He was so upset and I felt so bad, so I either shared mine or gave him mine. I cannot recall. I don't know why I did that. As an older adult, I felt like I wanted to be the cool and helpful big sister. I tried to lay off any lectures about his life. I suggested a place for him to volunteer to get something on his resume. We got our criminal records checks together and volunteered a couple of times. I didn't think he would volunteer on his own, but he surprised me. It seemed he went often until he landed a job at the liquor store. He wanted to buy me something for Christmas. He sent me a picture of a bottle of Rum Chata asking me if I wanted it as he thought I would like it. That was very sweet of him. Kyle would stay at my house and watch my dogs for me when I went away, for pizza pops and a bit of cash. I would pick him up and drive him home and we obviously would talk, but I cannot remember any specific conversation. I wish I could go back and be a fly on the wall. On one of our rides he was excited to share some of his music and I remember liking it. He would pack up his computer and bring it with him, but he would usually use my monitor. One day my monitor stopped working and I did not have time to go back and get his, so I suggested using my TV as a monitor. I'm not sure this was ideal, but we made it work and I appreciated his flexibility. Another time, I had bought a nerf gun that had the balls instead of the bullets and we shot cans and had accuracy competitions until the gun jammed. It was fun. I was very thankful to him for watching my dogs. Although, as an adult, I wasn't usually in a position to see Kyle's bad side, I know he had one. He liked to push buttons, he was really good at it. He could be very entitled and just plain mean. This and other things, lead to him leaving for Calgary to live with our Dad. He cut communication off with his family in Edmonton shortly after that. I can only assume why he did because he never told me. Our relationship specifically was not strained as far as I knew. We went a long time without speaking after he would not respond to my messages. One day, he did respond. We had a few short communications over the period of almost a year. I let him know I was here if he needed anything. I told him I loved him and he said I love you back. I hold onto that in the hard moments. I assumed in time he would open up more communication. I didn't want to push him, but of course, now I wish I had. The unanswered questions are really difficult. Having not seen him in a few years and having barely spoke to him is so tough. Sometimes it doesn't feel real. Sometimes the realization is a real punch to the gut. Kyle, I miss you. I love you. I'm proud of you. I'm sorry for so many things. I will always think of you when I eat a pizza pop or Pizza 73. When I see a bottle of Rum Chata or when I pass the place we volunteered together. We will never stop saying "Kyle would have loved this/that." You will always be loved and we will not let you be forgotten.

I knew kyle since we played OG world of warcraft, Me and him kicked it off really well and then I roped my cousin into our goofy ass conversations and the rest was history. Kyle, Me, and Demi would go around in WoW as a trio doing everything that we could and eventually moved onto league. When I joined the Navy, Kyle and me didnt talk nearly as much any more but we would chat every now and again to catch up. I do regret never taking the chance to meet up with him in person and I hope he rests knowing that so many miss him or at least had nice words to say about him, even in his dickish ways. Rest in peace you greasy midget.

Thank you all for your contributions. I often read them many times per day as do others in the family. Grief is such an individual experience. I still cry many times per day but others have said they just feel empty. We have all had our moments with Kyle that play a role in how and what we feel. I encourage everyone who cares to leave additional memories or feelings about Kyle if they wish. Willow thank you for your heartfelt message. It was honest and real and we appreciate it. Humans are so multi faceted and we aren’t perfect. We all make good and bad choices that impact our lives and those around us. Demi I remember you from those early gaming days. Kyle often spoke fondly of you. I know his friendship with you meant a lot to him. I wish the two of you could have met. There are days when the loss of my son is overwhelming but the world keeps turning. Hopefully there will be something that, I/we will learn to help us navigate this crazy messed up world we live in.

Kyle and I had a, for me, often difficult friendship. We were quite close for well over a decade, and it was hard to watch him refuse to take care of himself, no matter what I said, and to frequently be his punching bag. But I loved him a great deal. Looking back, it's pretty clear to me that he didn't have a great deal of respect for me, and the respect he did have largely vanished when I came out five years ago. But for some reason he always really respected my opinions on media; anime and manga, western tv shows, books (though he'd largely just ask me to settle arguments about books in his favor, which was kind of fun), and for some reason music most of all. I think most of us have probably had the experience of recommending something we enjoy, a book, a movie, a song, to someone and having them either say they'll check it out or be non-committal about it, and they just never bother. We all live busy lives, it's not a huge slight, but it can be kind of frustrating. A missed chance for connection through no fault of our own. I know that Kyle didn't always take my recommendations for movies or games seriously, and I doubt he watched many, or read any of what I'd suggested over the years. But I know for a fact that he listened to every single song/album/artist I recommended to him. I'm really not sure why, other than that I bear the burden of having impeccable taste. In 2016, I discovered a new(ish) Canadian pop punk band called PUP. I shared a couple of songs with Kyle, he particularly liked Sleep in the Heat (I recommend the music video, have a good cry), and song that I also loved. Time passed, our relationship deteriorated, I gained some self worth, we talked less, and less, and eventually barely at all. He'd occasionally DM me something he needed or wanted to remember. The name of a strain of cannabis he'd liked and wanted to buy again, a song he liked. In 2019, PUP released their third album, Morbid Stuff. I hadn't heard it yet, didn't even know it had come out that day, and out of the blue, Kyle DM'd me a link to one of the songs on the album called Sibling Rivalry, accompanied by the words "It's us!" (I recommend it to you as well.) The song is, unsurprisingly, about two siblings, the singer and their sibling, going camping in Canada during the winter. Their expedition is poorly planned, but the singer is trying to help their sibling, trying to get through to them that the way they're living isn't healthy or sustainable, and they can't keep helping, it's exhausting. They get snowed into their tent, and the problem sibling suggests that they get high and throw away their map. The song isn't literally our relationship, but it felt a little uncanny. Even wilder to me was that this was the most self aware thing Kyle had perhaps ever said to me. That he recognized the way our relationship was. We barely spoke after that point. Not because of anything really, we just drifted apart for a while, until we got in a pretty big argument a couple of years later over something I won't bother getting into here. It feels like I'm rambling somewhat, but I don't know how to talk about Kyle without rambling. He was my younger brother. He was consistently a complete ass to me. He was occasionally incredibly kind and emotionally open with me. He demanded colossal emotional labor from me. And even now "I'd still wanna hang with you Whenever I could."

Niji was by far the smartest guy I met in WoW Classic. I remember telling him that mind of his was his ticket to any career he wanted (I even tried to get him to do software development lol). In the end it was clear he was gonna forge his own path and a big part of his life was going to be World of Warcraft: the game that blew his mind as a kid and had also become a second life where friendships were as real as those early memories. Those of us that knew you will miss ya buddy. I for one will miss your quick wits, your puns and most of all the time we spent just playing the game.

I'm embarrased its taken me this long to write out my memories with Kyle but I've still been proccessing that the situation is real and I find it difficult to condense all the memories he and I shared together. I've known Kyle for over half my life, it was going on 17+ years, and in that time I only have two regrets. The first is that I didnt get to meet him sooner, and the second is that we never made the time to meet in person. We first met in the nerdest of games, World of Warcraft. With his unfiltered texts and crude jokes I knew that we were going to be great friends, what I didnt know is that our friendship would last almost two decades and span across multiple games and voice chats. Throughout that whole time we shared our goals, hopes, wants, jokes and life experiences. We had eachothers backs and never judged or thought less of the other. I remember the time we were young kids and we would be having our little fighting duels in World of Warcraft and I would lose to my cousin pretty badly, Kyle would immeditalty challenege my cousin and beat him so badly that my cousin would stop making fun of me for not being that great at the game, its a small instance but its all those hundreds of small moments that showed me what an amazing friend I had. The biggest thing I'm grateful for is that we were able to develope and grow up together, to share how far in life we had come and see how much the other person had improved or changed in life. He truly cared about the people he loved and did whatever was in his power to help those who asked, he challeneged the way I thought about things in my life and helped me not only be a better gamer but a better thinker, a better person. If I were to write out all our memories and times together I would take up the whole blog page here and never be able to publish this onto the site with how long it would take. He truly was my best friend and a man I will never forget as long as I breathe. I look back on all our chats and all the funny images we've shared with eachother and find myself laughing but also very sad that we will never be doing that again. Love you much bud, find the rest you deserve and until we meet again.

Rest in peace Kyle, I met him through world of warcraft classic. On the surface, Niji could come off as a sweaty try hard who threw out insults like it was candy on Halloween, but once I got to know him, I realized he was definatley a sweaty try hard, but, was someone who deeply cared about others. Even when he would speak highly of someone, he would follow it up with "but they're an orangutan" or something along those lines, so people wouldn't think he was too nice. I always enjoyed talking with Niji, he had a uniqley magnetic way with words. Even as time passed, when we would run into each other, we would always chat like we were still raiding together. I hope you're slamming your keyboard topping meters where you are.

Hey dude. Missing you... I met Kyle through World of Warcraft classic late 2019. And through all the possible combination of choices of which server to play on, which faction to choose, and what guild to be in, I ran into his gnome warrior Niji. He liked to mess around and maybe at first you think he's picking on you, only to later realize he is in fact picking on you. Hah! He was goofy, but would take his gameplay very seriously. He loved a good challenge and would help others improve. To call him a friend is the least I can say. He was a great leader and mentor. Whether he'd admit it or not. He was a brilliant soul. To that he would openly declare "I'm the best!" While many were all talk, he could actually back it up. He had a way of making things happen, through strategy or sheer brute force. He has touched so many of our lives. Whether you liked him or not, years from now people will still be saying "Hey, you remember when Niji...".

Rest in peace brother! I knew him through his wow character Niji in World of Warcraft Classic. Great times chilling in voice chat, just raiding with Prime some years back. Very funny and talented player. I will miss you Niji!

 ​❤️​ to “ My son , it's over a month since you died. The realization that you are gone is overwhelming. Most days start with a moment of confusion, was it all just a terrifying very vivid bad dream ? Reality kicks back with one hell of a punch and denial doesn't stand a chance. I spend my days walking like a zombie or crying non stop or both. I think if so many moments , good and bad that I had the privilege of sharing with you. ”  It remember when you were about 18 months old or so. I was cleaning up in the kitchen. You were on the floor happily playing with your toys and whatever containers you could drag out of the cupboards. I ran quickly to put clothes in the dryer and upon returning found you on the top of the fridge. Your little legs were so short and yet you had pushed a chair to the dishwasher climbed on that and then the top of the fridge. You were grinning at me so proud of where you were at. In hindsight it was definitely a sign of things to come. Like most kids you could be challenging but here you would excel. You are and have always been a sweet loving boy who could melt a Momma’s heart with just a simple smile. It’s weird how grief works. I go from a memory that as terrifying as it was to others that were truly terrifying. One night it was around 11 pm you called me from the ER. You need a ride , you only had one shoe and it was a good 20 minute walk home. As I found out later you had gone dangerously low at work. Apparently you were very confused and picked up two of your coworkers and were swinging them around. Eventually you were in the floor unconscious and the EMTs came and gave you the insulin you so desperately needed. You came to and after some time in the ER you realized you only had one shoes on and no coat. These memories and hundreds of thousands more are carried in my heart. I cherish both the good and the bad. I don’t know if you ever really had any idea of how much you are loved. I am so proud of you and am devastated by your death. You lived with both your sister Nicole and we both witnessed your inability to care for yourself. We spend many hours together mourning the loss of a person who touched our lives so deeply. We are devastated as is the rest of our family. Thank you so much to all who have given us perspective on Kyle. It’s a small comfort in a sea of despair that we cling to. Knowing that he touched others is a comfort. I find myself compelled to use this platform to express my deep anguish and despair in hopes it will be therapeutic in some respect. Time can can heal but I also runs out and there is nothing we can do to change it. I love you so much my baby boy and am so proud to be your Momma. We just ran out of time

Kyle was my friend. We were in the same WoW Classic guild and had initially said very few things to each other but he did know I was saving up for an Epic Mount and that it was going extremely slowly. One night my WoW avatar, Saskia, was at the bank in Stormwind (a capital city) on top of my very-not-Epic horse. He runs up to me and starts yelling "Why are you still on that stupid thing?! How much more money do you need to get an Epic?! What's taking you so damn long?!" Then he opens a trade window with me and dumps 600 gold into it (this is a LOT at the time). I decline and tell him I'm not worried and I'll get there. He opens it again. We go back and forth for a few minutes before I finally accept: "Okay! I'll get one! Jesus!" He tells me not to take the Lord's name in vain, says if he sees me log in tomorrow on anything other than an Epic Mount he'll slap me, and then he logs off. Oddly defeated, I go and buy the mount. The next day when he sees me again I get on my Epic Mount and he just says "good." I spent the rest of the time we played WoW together, which I believe was nearly two years, attempting to pay him back. We had so much fun together. It became a running joke where I'd tell him I had the gold and he'd start squealing like a pig. We had our ups and downs but, during one quite severe down, which had been a misunderstanding between the both of us, we were still able to mend our differences. I have Grim, Meeko and Wuv to thank for helping with that. We had almost three more years of friendship together because of their efforts and the fact that I truly knew that Kyle cared about me.  He was always worried about me. He knew I was in an abusive relationship and he didn't want me to be. He would say things nobody else would say like "well yeah, if I could play video games all day and eat Cheetos and know that my girlfriend couldn't make me do a damn thing, what reason would I have to try to be a better person?" When I finally fought back and my now-ex had me arrested, Kyle was the first one to see my mugshot. He was proud of me for fighting back but angry that the wrong person was arrested. He helped me laugh about something so very traumatic because my mugshot was honestly hilarious. Then he told me he'd never talk to me again if I let that POS back into my life. He helped me through some really hard times with that. I know he felt powerless and that he hated that. I wish I could thank him again for what he said to me. I know his words are part of the reason I'm even alive today.  Thank you for being in my life, Kyle. I am so sorry we hadn't talked in a while. I could have not picked a worse time to cut back on my online presence. I'll always love you, homie. You weren't supposed to leave so soon, you owed me weed money! And I owed you 600 gold! </3 

Sup Neejee, this is Semi the argentinian night elf from good old Prime guild, you were such a reckless gnome back then, always pulling aggro from the tanks and getting your cheeks clapped. I would try my best every week to keep you up and pumping, I was never really into healing but that kind of challenge made me enjoy the game so much more. You were always aiming for the top and constantly giving headaches to our guild officers, your knowledge of the game was unmatched and your brutal honesty would pissed off some egos. Even when not in the same guild anymore we would often run into each other in random dungeons on our alts and mess the place up, I enjoyed those times the most, just random encounters with people that share the same love for the game. Wish i could have got to waste more time around you on the following expansions and know a bit more about you. I'm sorry i never got to show you my shitty voice on discord, I'm certain you'd have laughed your ass off at me and tell me it wasn't shittier than yours. Rest in peace buddy, we'll always remember the great greasy gnome and his 99s in our hearts

You were truly one of a kind Kyle, as you would say "you're built different." I worked with Kyle at the Co-op liquor store and he was always one of my favourite people to work with. We had a lot of laughs and good conversation plus we made a great team at work. I miss our playful bickering, and how you always managed to scare the crud out of me without even trying. I feel honoured that you told me you thought of me like a sister, and you were definitely like a brother, my friend. Kyle had such a big heart especially when it came to animals, even though he was allergic. There were always cats he would want to rescue when I drove him home after work. He had a great sense of humor, and laughed whenever I would leave work I would say like Cartman Screw you Kyle, I'm going home. He is and will always be greatly missed. My deepest condolences to Kyle's family, I hope you can smile knowing the joyful impact he has made in so many people's lives. Rest easy my friend!

I met Kyle as Niji in World of Warcraft Classic back in a guild called Prime on the server Ashkandi. He was a wild ball of rage and sarcasm that reflected the behavior of those around him and I knew instantly he was someone special I wanted to keep in my life. He was an honest man who could show kindness or tough love when you needed it most. When he left to create his own guild for The Burning Crusade, I couldn't wait to follow him and see what adventures awaited. He eventually left Ashkandi for Pagle and I happily followed him. He was a constant source of information in game and a constant source of laughter and support in chat. He was always striving to be the best he could be and that energy was contagious. He was the first person I looked to share my every meager accomplishment with and every one since his passing just hasn't felt the same. The excitement he had for the Firelands raid was like watching a kid on Christmas and you couldn't help but be excited along with him. I wish he could have gotten to be there when it went live again. He was one of my dearest and most cherished friends and will forever be my favorite little rage gremlin (meant with 100% love). Kyle, I wish I had met you sooner so I could have had you in my life just that much longer and I will always miss you, frand.

Going to miss you buddy. As much as we used to butt heads, I loved hanging out upstairs when you were with us and chatting about games. If there’s something after this life, I hope you made it safe and sound and are being just as much of a goober up there as you were here. I also hope you know that you were loved and cherished by many. Love you :’(

Kyle and I use to work together for roughly two years at a liquor store and was always a pleasure working even those hangover days he had. His one liners or movie references always kept the conversations rolling at work. I didn't know him on a personal level but knew enough that he was a entertaining person to be around with. Wish I had played games with him sooner. Rest in Peace Kyle

Greasymidget was a unicorn. A truly one-of-a-kind individual. I didn't get to play with him long, but any experience shared with him was ripe with chaotic mirth. He was always full of witty one-liners, goofy quips, and generally off-the-cuff stuff. That kind of humor doesn't always land with most people, but to us he was Robin Williams. On top of all of that, he was probably the best player we had. Thanks for all the laughs, Kyle. You were the best, and are sorely missed.

Gonna miss ya Greaser, your baldness and greatness will always be missed and treasured! Make sure your toping the meters in the great beyond! <3

I miss you brother. Thank you for being you, even when it was the biggest pain in my ass.